Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
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