How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
