Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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