Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
