guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
