I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
