Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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