It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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