Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
