I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
