bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
