there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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