First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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