Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
