I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
