Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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