I'm eating all of the evidence.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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