Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
