Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
