Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
