Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
It's Friday. Sex?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
