atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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