so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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