I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
