the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
