so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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