I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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