I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
