Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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