five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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