there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
