Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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