Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
