his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
