get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
