get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
