Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Holy sore nipples Batman
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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