I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
