This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
