Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
