I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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