i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
