I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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