it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
