I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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