never play flip cup with pint glasses
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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