ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
