3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
