The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
