What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
