filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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