There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
