Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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